Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
