i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
