WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
