Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
