Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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