the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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