I hate all girls vehemently.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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