this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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