It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
