Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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