I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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