dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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