Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
