The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
