I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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