she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
