wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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