Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
