i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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