Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
