I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
