OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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