DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need water and some morals
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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