The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize