dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
