I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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