i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
