She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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