I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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