Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
