Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
