his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
