one might say we're banned from that church
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
