if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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