Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
