well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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