why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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