You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We named our party play list daddy issues
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
