he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
