frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
