He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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