If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize