Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
