I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
