my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
