I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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