Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
