Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.

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  (920): i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth. http://tfl.nu/8x3w
  Replies (58) Good night (775) Bad night (2797)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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  (336): Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh. http://tfl.nu/7dtp
  Replies (34) Good night (749) Bad night (3566)
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  (818): View more from California

  WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK

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  (818): WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK http://tfl.nu/o65z
  Replies (11) Good night (540) Bad night (3543)
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  (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

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  (310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq
  Replies (14) Good night (4624) Bad night (752)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.

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  (262): I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter. http://tfl.nu/r6gs
  Replies (24) Good night (4139) Bad night (692)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

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  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7543) Bad night (1170)
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  (518): View more from New York

  All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up

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  (518): All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up http://tfl.nu/3pu3
  Replies (16) Good night (778) Bad night (4996)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (31) Good night (6693) Bad night (1310)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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  (860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v
  Replies (4) Good night (1804) Bad night (708)
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  (510): View more from California

  I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay

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  (510): I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay http://tfl.nu/zswj
  Replies (15) Good night (1490) Bad night (776)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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  (914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9
  Replies (28) Good night (1784) Bad night (856)
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  (415): View more from California

  Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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  (415): Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/kxjk
  Replies (8) Good night (2264) Bad night (404)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.

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  (989): If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals. http://tfl.nu/so0f
  Replies (8) Good night (1061) Bad night (362)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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  (954): You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me http://tfl.nu/uohb
  Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (232)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it

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  (724): Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it http://tfl.nu/jbin
  Replies (3) Good night (485) Bad night (220)

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