i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"