Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.