Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low

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  (845): i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low http://tfl.nu/h0oa
  Replies (7) Good night (777) Bad night (1273)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,

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  (203): these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them, http://tfl.nu/bifo
  Replies (13) Good night (976) Bad night (3528)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.

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  (678): Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box. http://tfl.nu/7k9p
  Replies (12) Good night (889) Bad night (3547)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?

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  (207): do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam? http://tfl.nu/5qkv
  Replies (31) Good night (1005) Bad night (5568)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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  (425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf
  Replies (22) Good night (1559) Bad night (11751)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

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  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (7001) Bad night (1251)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Your godly.

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  (403): Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation. (1-403): Your godly. http://tfl.nu/7li2
  Replies (13) Good night (4307) Bad night (1191)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

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  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4013) Bad night (1110)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

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  (917): Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics http://tfl.nu/t7mh
  Replies (7) Good night (3230) Bad night (1766)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit

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  (901): He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit http://tfl.nu/0txt
  Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (2596)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.

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  (502): New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday. http://tfl.nu/wghi
  Replies (6) Good night (2147) Bad night (932)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"

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  (954): After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr" http://tfl.nu/5atv
  Replies (5) Good night (576) Bad night (321)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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  (612): I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers. http://tfl.nu/s9wi
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (470)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.

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  (903): All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. http://tfl.nu/r4g8
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (282)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty

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  (641): bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty http://tfl.nu/0s6a
  Replies (1) Good night (323) Bad night (119)

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