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• (313): View more from Michigan

  It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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• (714): View more from California

  It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends

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• (510): View more from California

  I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

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  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.

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• (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together

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