Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
