If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!