I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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