I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
