It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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