i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
