I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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