He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
