Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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