It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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