Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
