When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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