I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize