Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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