last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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