yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
