I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I checked into jail on foursquare
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
