I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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