I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
