I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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