i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
