True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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