final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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