We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
