I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
