Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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