Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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