you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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