i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
